How often in our daily lives can we talk about what's really bothering us without worrying about being judged, upsetting the listener, being given unasked for advise, hearing "I know exactly how you feel", or fearing that the content might not remain completely confidential? Even when we have trusted family and friends, sharing sensitive and painful issues may not be possible for many reasons. This is where talking with a counsellor can really help. Counselling is a space for you to be heard, to talk about what matters to you no matter how painful, shameful or confusing. Despite being in many different relationships, counselling is often the first time some clients feel they have been truly listened to.
Understanding what is troubling us, what is important in life and what we actually want is essential to making choices that are healthy for us rather than being driven by "shoulds" from the past, from the media or even from well meaning people who feel they know better than us how we should live.
The premise of Person Centered counselling is the basic trust that each individual knows what is right for them, and that given the support they will discover how best to live their life. Truly knowing yourself and what is right for you sounds like it should be simple. However, as children, being accepted was far more important than expressing our true self. This acceptance might have demanded many behaviours which were not a true expression of who we were, e.g., we might have had to suppress emotions like anger or vulnerability, we may have had inappropriate responsibility for younger siblings or a parent trust upon us or even been expected to under achieve, ...the list is endless. While it is a credit to the survival of our young self that we were able to adapt to what was needed, unfortunately over time this false self became who we believed we were, a belief which often leads to anger, frustration or even depression.
Talking with a counsellor allows us look at where our sense of self originated, and to begin connecting with our authentication self. This work also helps us appreciate strengths and inner resources we may not have known we possessed. Additionally, there are times when life just feels too difficult or overwhelming. We may know what is causing these feelings or we may have absolutely no idea why we feel as bad as we do. These feelings are valid and deserve to be understood. Speaking to a counsellor can help identify what is actually going on. The above is just some of the work which can be done with a counsellor. If you would like to contact me to talk about whether you could benefit from counselling, please do not hesitate to give me a call.